26.01.2008 - 26.01.2008
We arrived home a week ago, and we have pretty much re-adjusted to our lives here. But what I noticed from the moment we entered into the taxi returning from the airport, was how quiet the roads are! No honking! It was like being inside a silent film.
Another thing I noticed is how quiet the apt. is. I got used to people talking, laughing, and cooking around us. Now the dominant sound is the ocean (in Long Beach), or a distant car and dog barking (Queens). I miss the presence of more people close by, and I am feeling sad at the distance from the new, but deep friendships we have formed.
This trip has led to reflection on relationships. My concept of friendship has changed. I was struck by how loving, happy, open and relaxed the people we bonded with were. No judgement, no sarcasm, no need to burden the other with one's psychosis - only the sharing of joy and connection. I feel that people in the States have more internal complications - more neurosis, anger, depression and ego. I include my past self in this category as well. These complications prevent the sharing of simple joy and presence with another person. A relationship based upon these complications is one of feeding off each other and finding fractured support from another person who shares the same issues. When two people with anxiety issues form a friendship, they feel threatened when the other moves positively forward in life - at once they feel jealous and fearful of being abandoned.
I think that being in an environment so full of spirit, survival and love has healed some fracture in how I used to relate. I hope that the friendships I formed in India will be lifelong and healthy. And I hope that I will form new - and reform old friendships into deeper and more joyful ones.
A complete overhaul of how I listen and perform Indian Classical music is presently happening. I have tremendous motivation to take what I have experienced and listened to and apply it to my singing. Each session with local musicians and professors, has merged with the colors, scents and landscapes of the trip. A poetic marriage which is slowly seeping into my body.
Ron has written about the future of India as he sees it. I am writing about the future of our connection with India. It is clear that this was the first plunge. We have both been deeply moved on all levels of our mind, spirit and hearts. India has a presence that could demolish or fertilize your soul - maybe both simultaneously. I know that we have fallen in love, and we will return once we feel that our connections and spirit need to be regenerated. And I hope it will be soon.